


Goodnight, Good Morning and Goodbye

by SadSongBird (StrongBrowsMakeMeWeak)



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Angst without a happy ending, Bokuto cries, Emotional Hurt, Heavy Angst, M/M, Not Beta Read, akaashi cries, ambiguous timeline
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-02
Updated: 2020-07-02
Packaged: 2021-03-05 00:21:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,003
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25035364
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/StrongBrowsMakeMeWeak/pseuds/SadSongBird
Summary: Bokuto took a deep breath and said the sentence he had been trying to avoid but no longer saw a way around, “I don’t think we can be friends right now.”
Relationships: Akaashi Keiji & Bokuto Koutarou, Akaashi Keiji/Bokuto Koutarou
Kudos: 32





	Goodnight, Good Morning and Goodbye

“...I’m sorry.”

“Akaashi, I don’t want anymore apologies.” All Bokuto wanted was for Akaashi to have been brave enough, to choose a love that grew deep and quickly, but he hadn’t been. 

“I know Bokuto-san, but the other words don’t know how to come out.” Akaashi felt small as he saw Bokutos face drop, he knew the other just wanted an explanation for the choice he made, but still the words eluded him. Akaashi hated that Bokuto didn’t push him to talk, hated how understanding he was of his emotional constipation, he hated that he was hurting Bokuto and couldn’t say the words to make him smile again. 

“I wasn’t expecting you to say anything ‘kaashi, I know you well enough after all this time,” Bokuto said with a sad smile on his face “it would have helped me heal but we all have our limits and this is one of yours.”

Akaashi sat on then other end of the call trying to find his words, Bokuto deserved that at least, but he couldn’t find them. He hated that, he wanted to say everything and to help Bokuto heal. He couldn’t though. Akaashi hated that he let him down again. 

“Hey, if nothing else can I ask questions and you give me an honest answer?” Bokuto was willing to work with him despite everything they had been through. 

“Yes!” Akaashi said with almost too much enthusiasm. People always fixated on how he helped Bokuto be better but they never got to see the side of Bokuto that understood him in a way few people did. Bokuto was a safe space and he had ruined that, despite it all Bokuto was willing to work with him and Akaashi wished it had all been different. Not that he fixated on the What Ifs, he knew he was never going to be brave enough for that. 

“Did you ever really care about me?” Bokuto asked

“Yes, so much...so much,” Akaashi added in a small voice “and I still do.”

Bokuto pretended he didn’t hear that last part, his heart was known to latch on to any hope and this was not a moment to do that. He knew there was no hope.

“Do you care for them more?”

Akaashi thought for a moment, “I can’t answer a question about depth... it’s not what it was, I cared for them first,”

“So you care for me deeper?”

“...yes, it’s just so scary how quickly it happened. I was a coward.”

“Can I say something a little... sarcastic?”

“Of course Bokuto-san,”

“You know you normally choose the person you care about more?”

“I know.”

“Ok, just wanted to make sure.” Bokuto then added “ ‘kaashi I don’t know how to be around you and to not want to be with you. I wake up everyday hoping that today will be different, that today is the day you realize I was worth it. As your friend I can’t be sitting around waiting for your relationship to fail on the off chance that I might get a chance to be with you... I can’t. That’s not fair to either one of us. I just... I don’t know how to stop loving you while being around you...,”

Bokuto started crying at this point, he had been trying so hard to stay strong. He hated how pained Akaashi looked when he cried, Bo knew that Akaashi took each sob and tear as a stab to the heart and he didn’t want Akaashi to hurt more. Bokuto would always try to look out for the younger man no matter how badly his heart had been broken. 

Bokuto took a deep breath and said the sentence he had been trying to avoid but no longer saw a way around, “I don’t think we can be friends right now.” 

Akaashi knew this was coming, their conversations had become lifeless, they were disconnected, they were broken and he hated that he had caused Bokutos light to dim. The least Akaashi could do was respect what he wanted in this moment. 

“I wasn’t strong enough before but if this is what you want I will respect that. I want to fight for this friendship and if that means letting you go, then that’s something I can be strong about .”

“This is a really horrid time to finally think I’m worth fighting for, I wish you could have fought for us sooner Akaashi.”

“Me too Bokuto,” Akaashi whispered sadly “me too.”

“I’m going to miss talking to you and I don’t know how long it will take me to heal, so goodnight, good morning, I hope work goes well for you, please remember to drink water and eat, take showers,” Bokuto had tears streaming down his face by this point “and please, please be happy.”

Akaashi was also crying but choked out his last words, “Goodnight, good morning, please take care of yourself, remember that you deserve all the happiness in the world, don’t let the Karen’s get you down and I’m gonna be here if you ever want to let me back into your life, I know it’s selfish but I want you back in my life.”

“I know.”

Bokuto took a breath, and looked at his Akaashi, taking in his face one last time for the foreseeable future. Memorizing everything he had fallen in love with, was still in love with. Knowing that distance was the best didn’t minimize the hurt of his decision. 

“I don’t want to say goodbye Akaashi,”

“I know.” Akaashi hated the pain on Bokutos face, but he wanted him to heal. 

Bokuto gathered all of his resolve. He had to be strong right now for him, and for any chance of having any kind of friendship in the future.

“Goodbye Keiji.”

“Goodbye Koutarou.”

Bokuto and Akaashi just stared at each other for a few seconds longer, knowing that once they hung up that was it. They didn’t know when they would talk again. 

Bokuto leaned forward, ended the call and cried.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading, this is from a really raw spot right now and it’s nice just writing down emotions


End file.
